


he sheds not tears but life

by peabrain



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Kubo-sensei Says the Darndest Things, M/M, Supernatural Elements, The Elixir of Youth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-10 03:39:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11119131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peabrain/pseuds/peabrain
Summary: "If you drank his tears, you'd like. Become eternally young or something. Like you know what I mean? (laughs)"Yuuri finally broaches the subject one night, Makka snoozing over both their thighs."Victor, exactly how old is Makkachin?""Oh, darling," Victor laughs in that perfectly carefree way that signals desperation to hide something. "Numbers are so boring! Makka's only as old as she is at heart, you see, and her heart is... I don't know. A healthy, youthful six?""Right," Yuuri deadpans. "How long has she been six?"





	he sheds not tears but life

**Author's Note:**

> This is so stupid but not my fault. Blame Kubo-sensei. [More translations of her wild and wonderful words here.](https://twitter.com/Aki_the_geek/status/836934727630106625)

To the disbelieving wonder of Katsuki Yuuri's anxious brain, his life right now is almost paradise.

Actually it's no longer Katsuki, but Katsuki-Nikiforov. He's married to Victor. _Victor Katsuki-Nikiforov._ Who, despite his admittedly multiple faults, is still the most wonderful man in the world. And they're married! Yuuri has no less than _six international gold medals_ , including two from the GPF and a World Championship. He and Victor still split the year between Russia and Hasetsu, despite Victor's happy retirement; Yuuri has grown to love Russia like a second home, as well as the people in it, especially his rinkmates. Oh yeah, Yuuri has _so many friends_ now. 

They have a dog, the sweetest old girl in the world. And that's the one big blot in Yuuri's current wedded bliss-- not Makkachin herself, who's tied with Vicchan as the best pet one could ever ask for, but... dogs don't live as long as their masters, no matter how determined Victor seems to pretend otherwise.

Makkachin is very, very old.

Yuuri remembers her from so long ago, cutting out magazine pictures of her and Victor, then saving countless images from Victor's social media: a beloved doggy face as familiar as Victor's own. Yuuri's heard the speculations but he knows there was never a Makkachin I, Makkachin II. There's only this Makka, who's been with Victor for as long as Yuuri's known of him. Despite her resilient spryness, that's a stretch almost unheard of in poodle years, and he wants to be prepared for the frailties that come with age. Vicchan's passing still haunts him. He wants give Makka the best care in her twilight years, keep her happy and comfortable, make every second count.

He finally broaches the subject one night, watching a movie in their Russian apartment with Makka snoozing contentedly over both their thighs.

"Victor, exactly how old is Makkachin?"

"Oh, darling," Victor laughs in that perfectly carefree way that signals desperation to hide something. "Numbers are so boring! Makka's only as old as she is at heart, you see, and her heart is... I don't know. A healthy, youthful six?"

"Right," Yuuri deadpans. "How long has she been six?"

-

It takes a while to pry a story out of Victor. He's strangely resistant. Yuuri, who had been laboring under the impression that they _talk_ about things that bothered them now like a healthy communicative couple, is forced to take extreme measures and uses his, as Victor would call it, _evil, unfair wiles._ The naked apron thing had always been worth the embarrassment, and the mess, because it had never failed him before, Victor sloppy and loose-lipped beneath him, rendered stupidly honest by their depraved activities. Yuuri even breaks out the glitter.

It doesn't work.

This can't go on. Why is Victor acting like this? He'll just make it harder for himself in the end. Yuuri can't just let the issue drop and go along with Victor, for Victor and Makkachin's sake. Even if it leads to a real fight, and he hates, hates, _hates_ a real fight with Victor.

"Oh, no, solnyshko, don't-- don't cry," Victor is distraught, naked except for glittery lube on his unmentionables.

Yuuri cries, spiteful.

Victor tells him.

"What the _hell,_ Victor," Yuuri snaps.

"I can prove it!" Victor exclaims. His unmentionables glisten, as if in agreement.

-

Yuuri does not believe him. Victor whines in an annoying tone that Yuuri has long recognized as sincere. And Victor's been right about many things Yuuri had refused to believe in: gold medals, landing the quad axel, outrageous claims about Yakov's past.

But this is just... what the hell.

Fine. He will allow Victor an attempt at proving this too, before strangling him with his overpriced silk tie. This was not remotely what Yuuri ment when he'd brought up maybe calling a vet and asking some questions.

So, glaring daggers at Victor, he places an international call to Hasetsu's animal hospital.

"Dr. Tanaka?" She sounds strangely trembly to hear from him. Maybe the phone signal is bad? Yuuri remembers her kindness, and a constant, competent calm. She'd been so good, with Vicchan, reassured Yuuri with confidence that Vicchan passed with minimal pain. "Do you remember when Victor's dog--"

She gasps and hangs up.

-

"My deepest apologies," Dr. Tanaka says later. "Yes. It was-- it was. Something. That happened. Victor was very generous afterwards, we are extremely grateful to him. But... we're just a humble country clinic, surely there are many excellent services in Russia and Japan that can provide better care considering... Makkachin's... unique circumstances."

"...it's really true?" The thing is, Yuuri trusts Dr. Tanaka implicitly. She'd never lie about her patients, Yuuri knows, whatever the kind of mushrooms made Victor loopy enough to resort to feeding Yuuri fairy tales.

"I-- yes. The surgery, we tried so hard, but she was-- it was too late, it was _supposed to be_ too late-- and then the _incision started fucking closing by itself and the DEAD DOG just woke up like NOTHING WAS WRONG--"_

Dr. Tanaka hangs up for a second time.

"I'd love to send her more gift baskets," Victor sighs forlornly, "but it's probably better to leave her in peace."

-

Okay.

Yuuri still finds this very hard to swallow.

-

Makkachin proves it herself, in the end.

Yuuri stares in horrified fascination as the wound reknits itself closed, skin and muscle fusing seamlessly together like Makka had never run into broken glass. In the end the only evidence is a few droplets of blood on concrete. There isn't even a scar.

Aside from the initial yelps of pain when the wicked shard dug into her foot and Yuuri pulled it out while desperately tying not to fall apart, Makkachin is entirely unbothered by this episode. She sniffs her paw, licks it, then woofs cheerfully at him, as if expecting a pat for a Job well done.

He manages a faint "good girl, Makka," before making it home on wobbly legs to collapse on a surprised Victor.

-

"You don't regret marrying me, do you? It's a lot to live with. I should have told you instead of tying you down before you had a choice." Victor's voice is small. 

_What!?_ How can Yuuri ever regret marrying Victor, ever? Preposterous. Impossible. Magnitudes, universes more impossible than such mundane things as magic tears and immortal dogs. Yuuri will never ever regret anything remotely connected to marrying Victor. Not even Phichit's lethally embarrassing best man speech that hadnmade Yuuri unable to look at his parents' faces for months.

"No." Yuuri laces their fingers together, ring to ring. Bumps his forehead gently against his husband's. "Don't be stupid, Vitenka."

Victor smiles. Yuuri knows Victor believes him.

Makka whines at their feet. She doesn't appreciate being left out of the cuddling. Victor drags Yuuri down to the floor, the three of them a sappy, affectionate mess.

-

Yuuri realizes, later, that Victor all of Victor's fear and reluctance stemmed from whether or not Yuuri would accept his situation, or hate him for lying. That Yuuri might not want to keep his secret, or see him as freak, or use him somehow, take advantage-- not at all. Once assured of his acceptance, Victor had put himself in Yuuri's hands without a single qualm. 

This makes Yuuri's heart so full it could burst.

To show his appreciation Yuuri gifts Victor another Worlds gold, and then six orgasms in a row. The afterglow from that one is so strong Yuri Plisetsky refuses all contact with them for a month.

-

It takes Yuuri longer to realize something else. Victor is puttering around in the kitchen, fixing a late afternoon snack (" _It's the off-season! Your coach says you can indulge in extra calories!_ "). The sun's rays slants through the window to bathe his body in gold. Yuuri's breath catches. Victor is beautiful, impossibly so, and Yuuri is reminded--

"You cried," Yuuri breathes reverently. "You cried for _me_." Victor's tears are the rarest, most miraculous things Yuuri's ever known, and he'd wasted them on Yuuri. They'd fallen like rain on the hotel carpet. 

Victor pouts. "Yuuri, you awful man, don't look so happy. It was horrible. Terrible. You broke my heart, you know! My face got all red and puffy, I must have looked so disgusting."

"Haha, sorry, sorry." Victor had looked so ethereal, exquisite. Like an angel. Yuuri feels a pang of regret that it's something he'll never see again.

And then it hits.

"Oh. I'll have to stop secretly trying to make you cry when we have sex."

" _Yuuri!_ "

-

"Victor!" Yuuri hisses urgently, shocked awake in the middle of the night. Makkachin whuffles on the far side of the bed, but doesn't wake. Yuuri mercilessly climbs over his husband to reach her side. "Victor wake up!"

"Mmhhmmow, ow--darling?" 

"What happens when _we_ die? Who will take care of Makkachin?" _Oh my god,_ Yuuri thinks hysterically, fingers twitching in Makkachin's fur. She sleeps on, undisturbed by the future. _What about when humanity dies? When the sun fries the earth and reaches the end of its own lifespan?_

"Oh, that." Victor hums. "Makka has a trust fund for the immediate future. And beyond that... entities I trust, we've worked something out. I'll tell you tomorrow but you have to take it to the grave. Makka will be fine. Can you trust me on this, Yuuri?"

He looks at Yuuri, all sleepiness and confidence and love.

Yuuri believes him.

**Author's Note:**

> Makkachin will be fine. 
> 
> There was only one tiny instance of Russian in this fic but if I fucked it up, or fucked up too much grammar/spelling, feel free to correct them. The writing itself is a lost cause though there's no fixing that. :(


End file.
